Make You Feel My Love
by LifelongSnitch
Summary: Mercedes has an epiphany during a fellow glee club member's farewell to Finn.
1. Make You Feel My Love

**So, I wrote a thing! I've never written Sam and Mercedes, or any Glee at all so this is all very new. I stopped watching Glee religiously after they botched the only part left that I actually cared about; my otp. How they could treat something so beautiful so carelessly I'll never know… but I ****_had_**** to tune in for the tribute episode. Alas, after watching The Quarterback I got major Samcedes feels and this little plot bunny wouldn't let me rest until I wrote something. This takes place during/after Rachel's solo, which I recommend watching if you haven't. I'm not a fan of hers by any means but that performance is completely heartbreaking.**

**Disclaimer: This story is for entertainment purposes only; Glee is obviously not mine and if it was, things would be… different. I'm also not Bob Dylan, just thought I'd clarify that.**

_When the rain is blowing in your face,_

_And the whole world is on your case, _

_I could offer you a warm embrace_

_To make you feel my love._

Mercedes couldn't bear to think of what Rachel must be feeling right now, how much she was hurting, what she had lost. She'd say that she couldn't even imagine it, but that would be a lie. She could imagine it. The truth was she couldn't _stop_ imagining it. What would she have done if it had been _him_? That was when she broke, allowing the tears to flow freely down he cheeks as she wrapped her arms around herself trying to keep the sobs from taking over her entire body.

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear,_

_And there is no one there to dry your tears,_

_I could hold you for a million years_

_To make you feel my love._

She cried for the glee club, forever altered without its leader. She cried for her friends, lost and confused without their fallen friend. She cried for Rachel, heartbroken and overwhelmed with grief for the love of her life. Most of all she cried for Finn, the young soul taken from this world far too soon. The news of his death had been a shock to all of them, and the _way_ that he died had been as distressing as it was surprising. She never knew. None of them did, and she didn't know if it would have mattered if they did. He was gone now, and they were left to pick up the pieces. She would always regret being so blind that she didn't see him struggling and not helping him to get the help he needed. He didn't deserve to die the way he had, alone and without any support. Finn was her friend, and he was their leader; she had mourned him for nearly a month and would continue to carry that grief for the rest of her life; Finn's death was _supposed_ to hurt as bad as it did. What she wasn't expecting, however, was the way it made he feel about _him_. She had tried her best for the last year not to feel anything about him; it was too raw and hurt too much. She tried to shut it all out and move one, but she never quite succeeded and didn't know if that was something she would ever be able to do; she loved him with every fiber of her being, and she hated him with all of her heart.

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet,_

_But I would never do you wrong._

_I've known it from the moment that we met,_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong._

Mercedes glanced around the choir room appreciating the innate support system of the glee club; nearly everybody had someone to lean on and she was glad for that. She looked over to her left to see Blaine, his face swollen and tearstained, gazing upon Kurt with plain love as they grasped each other's hands firmly. That gave Mercedes some solace, Kurt wouldn't be alone in whatever he was feeling because he had Blaine and would always have him. Mercedes looked at Tina, Mike, and Artie sitting in the row in front of her. Tina held Mike and Artie's hands tightly in her lap as she shook with silent grief. Their hands were a lifeline, a tether to the earth and she was holding on for dear life. Tina had been in relationships with both of them, but that hadn't stopped them from comforting one another in their hour of need. Mercedes was happy for Tina that she could have genuine friendships with her two exes. She looked to her far left to see Jake, Marley, Ryder, Unique, and Kitty. They didn't know Finn as well as the rest of the club, but that didn't mean that they loved him any less, Mercedes knew. She was glad that they had come so far and could lean on each other; they were the new glee club now and they needed to be there for each other. Mr. Schue was seated alone and off to the side, looking pensive. Regardless of their own issues, Mercedes gave Schue major props; he had been their rock for the past month and was continuing to be strong even now. The bond between Schue and Finn had been more like father and son than teacher and student, almost to the point of weirdness, so Mercedes was happy that he had more students in need of his guidance. He would be fine as long as he had the glee club; he needed them almost as much as they needed him.

_I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,_

_I'd go crawling down the avenue._

_No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do_

_To make you feel my love._

Then there was Rachel, barely making it through her song and clutching her necklace tightly. Mercedes had never felt as connected to the Broadway-bound, self-described ingénue as she did in that moment. They had never been the best of friends, they had even been outright foes at times, but in that moment the Rachel she had known wasn't the Rachel in front of her. She wasn't bossy, control-freak Rachel, or overly-ambitious and self-centered Rachel. She was just Rachel who wanted her other half back. She was just a lonely girl, desperately missing her love, wanting only to be held by him and have him tell her that everything would be alright. But she would never have that again, at least not with the man she wanted. Mercedes could certainly empathize with that feeling, but it was so much more _final _for Rachel. Mercedes couldn't stop picturing herself in Rachel's shoes and she didn't know how she could ever move on. There was no moving on when you possessed the knowledge that the man you loved died not knowing _exactly_ how you felt about him; that he was the brightest spot of your life and completely irreplaceable. She didn't know how you could go on not knowing if he knew that you would always love him, no matter what happened, or that he was cared for by someone who couldn't help but love him and _chose _to support him all at the same time. Finn never heard any of that from Rachel, and Mercedes could easily imagine how that regret would eat her up for the rest of her life. Life really was too short not to tell people how you felt about them while you still had the time.

_The storms are raging on the rolling sea_

_And on the highway of regret._

_The winds of change are blowing wild and free,_

_You ain't seen nothing like me yet._

Mercedes heard a choking sob behind her and recognized the person it belonged to instinctively. She had heard it before, but it pulled violently at her heartstrings all the same. She wanted absolutely nothing more than to go to him. She wanted to hold him like she had before, before things got too messy. She had held him once, as he had held her so many times; those moments were some of the best of her life. The chaos, stress, and sadness just seemed to melt away when they embraced; they became a world unto themselves, impenetrable by outside forces. Mercedes physically ached thinking about how much she still needed him even now, _especially_ now.

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true._

_Nothing that I wouldn't do._

_Go to the ends of the Earth for you,_

_To make you feel my love._

She subtly glanced behind her chair at him, he was crying into Santana's embrace as she held him tightly resting her cheek on the top of his head. His pain was palpable to Mercedes, his sadness seeming to swallow her whole. And that was when her heart broke for him again. Whether that was the fifth or fiftieth time, Mercedes didn't know; she had lost count long ago. She wanted desperately to erase all of his pain, but she had learned the hard way that that just wasn't possible. After all they had been through together she didn't know if she had any of her heart left to break. It broke for _him_ when his family had so publicly fallen on hard times, when she had turned down his constant advances in senior year, when she had told him that they couldn't be together despite how much she loved him, and when she had heard about his self-doubt after his disastrous SAT scores. It broke for _them_ when he came to her with the news of his family's impending relocation and most recently when she had move to Los Angeles, ending their relationship for a second time. Yet, what hurt most was when her heart broke from seeing him with Brittany so soon after they had parted ways, that had made her feel so many unpleasant things that she had been unwilling to face since. The worst part about all of it was that she couldn't let go or move on. Not while so many things were left unsaid. She didn't want to end up like Rachel someday; she needed to tell him everything. Her heart, shriveled broken mess though it was, would always belong to _him_. True, it was too late for Rachel and Finn, but it wasn't too late for Sam to know how she felt.

_To make you feel my love._

* * *

**This was supposed to be a one-shot but the song lined up perfectly with the chapter breaks I had for the first part, so I'm taking that as a sign that the rest should be in a second chapter. I'll post that soon, it actually has dialogue in it! **

**Obviously this isn't finished yet but I would love any feedback, so please don't hesitate to review!**


	2. Are We Really Through?

**I'm back! The disclaimer from the first chapter still works, right? Though I should add that the lyrics in this chapter belong to Ray LaMontagne. Happy reading!**

* * *

_Is the sun_

_Ever gonna break_

_Break on through the clouds_

_Shine down in all its glory?_

_On to me_

_Here upon the ground_

_'Cause I can't hear a sound_

_Sept' my own sad story_

_I get so tired_

_A starin' at the walls_

_Weight so heavy_

_Mountain so tall_

_Is there no one_

_Who would catch me_

_If I fall?_

* * *

He stayed in his seat long after Rachel's tribute was finished, completely numb and oblivious to the now nearly empty choir room. Sam was vaguely aware of Blaine and Kurt, along with _her_, hugging and talking in hushed comforting voices to one another. He didn't move to join them; he couldn't.

He was tired of it all. Tired of the teary embraces, the meaningless words, and tired of the empty rituals. After the initial stages of grief, Sam had learnt that no amount of hugs or tears would fix anything nor would they bring Finn back. Yet he still sought the comfort of his friends, even though it left him feeling emptier than ever and he still cried, mostly because he couldn't help it. It felt good to let it all out and cry, but after the tears were gone the sadness still lingered. The embrace of a friend was comforting for as long as it lasted, but sooner or later they would pull away. Everyone always pulls away, then they leave, and then soon enough they're gone forever. Nothing lasts, especially not the good things. Life, more often than not, completely sucked and Sam was tired of pretending otherwise.

He used to be a happy person, naturally optimistic and idealistic, but too much had happened. He couldn't be that guy anymore, not now. In his moments of self-pity, Sam often thought of everything that had gone wrong in his life; he had been homeless at fifteen and his life had gone mostly downhill from then on. It just seemed like it was blow after blow after blow. He could never really relax, something always happened to turn his life completely upside down and disrupt whatever little happiness he had managed to build for himself.

Sam's life had become a near constant string of disappointments, disasters, and tragedies. His family life was tumultuous, at best, with his family still not completely back on their feet. He had been happy to move back to Lima for so many reasons but, even now, he still felt guilty for leaving Stevie and Stacy behind, stuck with their over-stressed parents and the threat of relocation constantly looming. He sent money to his family as often as he could; but even with his part-time job, Sam could barely support _himself_ whileliving with Burt and Carole, so helping his family wasn't always an option. He did manage to save a decent chunk of his earnings and had planned to put it toward college, but that was becoming less of possibility thanks to his most recent academic setback. He worked hard, all the time, but it never seemed to matter. No matter what he did or how hard he tried, the things in his life turned to shit. His series of failed relationships could certainly attest to that. Even his friends left him behind; Puck to LA, Mike to Chicago, Rory went back home to Ireland, Kurt and Santana were in New York, and now Finn was gone too.

People left him and his life sucked; that was a fact of life for Sam. But then he felt terrible for being so pessimistic and self-centered, especially being around Burt and Carole. They had helped him so much; he couldn't repay them by focusing on his shitty life when they were grieving their son. Besides, Sam's life wasn't _always_ that bad, there had been a couple of bright spots. Those bright spots had later darkened, as they so often do, and sometimes he thought that experiencing and then losing such bliss only made the rest of his life darker in comparison, yet he knew he wouldn't trade those moments for anything. The truth was, being with _her _was the only time he felt truly happy, the only time he could relax and just be. Those were the happiest days of his life amongst some of the darkest; her presence had brightened his world and made his life whole. Then she left him.

Sam felt another stab in his heart, a sharp pain that would come and go whenever he thought of her, which was constantly as of late. Usually he was good at pretending she didn't affect him like she did, that it didn't hurt. Only a few people even knew what happened, and that was intentional. It was all too much. He couldn't run forever, he knew, but he was in no mood to revisit the past today, he was _barely_ keeping it together now.

"Sam? Are you okay?" a concerned voice asked, pulling him from his thoughts. It was Mercedes, worriedly looking at him as if he might snap at any second. _I must look insane_, he mused feeling the sting of his bloodshot eyes.

"What?" he asked, still coming out of his haze, "Yeah, I'm fine," he clarified as he stood, preparing to leave.

"I was hoping we could talk," Mercedes blurted out suddenly before he could walk past her.

Sam was confused, she never wanted to talk. She did her best to ignore him as much as possible. It was their routine now to just pretend the other didn't exist.

"Uh, sure… What's up?" Sam asked uneasily, as he sat back down in his chair.

Mercedes look unsure and nervous; he could see her brain running a mile a minute. Sam recalled another time he had seen that look on her face and then abruptly stopped his train of thought. He couldn't go back right now.

"… How have you been?" she asked timidly.

_Terrible. _"Um… fine, I guess…" he said at a loss for words, "all things considered, you know? What about you?"

"I'm ok," she replied, seemingly startled that he asked her a question, but she didn't look ok. He ached being around her on normal days, but today it was pure torture. He wanted to hold her and wipe away her tears, to comfort her and to be her pillar of strength. But he was nobody's pillar of strength right now and she probably wouldn't appreciate his comforts.

They shuffled nervously, each intensely aware of the other one but unwilling to meet their eyes. He hated this, they had always been able to talk before, and now it was tense and awkward. They had a connection, no matter how much they tried to deny its existence lately; it shouldn't be this hard to talk to one another.

"What did you want to talk about?" Sam asked after an uncomfortable silence between them.

"About… everything," Mercedes said as she sighed a long and worn-out sigh. Sam didn't know what exactly '_everything'_ entailed, but he was willing to bet that it was nothing he wanted to discuss at that precise moment.

"…Ok...?" Sam prompted and in a flash, the fire returned to Mercedes' eyes. His reply had angered her, but he didn't know why.

"Where have you been, and why won't you talk to me?" Mercedes blurted, clearly not meaning to say what she did. Yet she took her own outburst in stride, putting on a resolved face and continuing, "You haven't said one word to me since I got here, you act like I don't even exist! I can be standing right next to you and it's like you've forgot everything we've been through! What is _that_ about? I thought what we had meant something to you, it did to me…"

"You know–" Sam tried to object.

"Let me finish, please. I never thought it would be like this with us. Ever since Finn… I've been waiting for you to come to me and say something, anything. I… I thought you'd be here," she admitted, teary eyed, "but you just ignore me."

Seeing Mercedes cry was like a knife through his heart. He couldn't deny what she had said, and it clearly hurt her. Knowing that he was the cause of her tears made him feel like the biggest asshole in the world and seeing her so visibly hurt almost lessened Sam's anger toward her. _Almost_.

"_I'm _the one who's ignoring _you_?" he asked, incensed. "You're the one who won't talk to me. You've never once tried to talk to me since you've gotten back!"

"That's completely diff–" Mercedes started before Sam interrupted her.

"Different? How? You avoid me too, don't think I haven't noticed. You don't acknowledge me at all; you've put these massive walls up around you. Now you have Kurt and Artie and Mike hanging around you all of the time, and _you_ cut off all communication with me after you left. It's like you tried to erase me from your life!" Sam pointed out emphatically before calming himself with a few deep breaths, "I know it sucks, but you made it this way when you stopped returning my calls and texts and then came back to Lima acting like you didn't have a care in the world. So how is it different for me when I'm just following your lead?"

"It's _you_," Mercedes said, as if that was all the answer that was needed, "That's the way _I _handle things. It's messed up, I know but it's just easier for me that way, especially after everything. But you… that's not you. The Sam I knew would break down walls, and wouldn't let _anything_ stop him," she said sadly, "you've always been there; I never thought that would change."

"I _am_ here," he clarified, angry that she could really think that he really didn't care about her, "That's part of the problem; I'm _always_ here. _You _left. _You_ broke us up, I didn't want it." He begged her not to go through with it before she left, but she insisted that they had to break up for a second time. He still didn't understand why.

"Well, moving on seemed easy enough," Mercedes replied with a bitter laugh, "like I was never here at all." Sam felt as guilty as he did enraged. He _had_ tried to move on too quickly, and in an incredibly stupid way. But it wasn't easy and it definitely didn't work. He never moved on from Mercedes, he couldn't.

"You think it's easyfor me?! I didn't move on. I couldn't forget you if I tried, and believe me, I've tried. I _can't_ forget about us and what we have, I think about it constantly. I have to stop myself from thinking about it most of the time or I'll go insane. And when you're here it's _that_ much harder. Do you think it's easy for me to see you act so casual around me, to see Kurt or Artie holding your hand when I know it should be me, or to see you cry right in front of me and not be able to do a damn thing about it? And what about Shane, did you forget about him? You're can't lecture me about moving on too soon." he said, incredulous that she would even try to play that card. Mercedes started dating Shane within a week after breaking up with Sam and stayed with him long after Sam came back.

"That's not the same! I didn't think I would ever see you again, and Shane wasn't your friend!" Mercedes shouted. Sam didn't know that she was so affected by his relationship with Brittany, if it could even be called that, but he should have guessed. Of course it would hurt her.

"No, but Mike and Artie are," Sam shouted back defensively, unwilling to be the villain, "Artie is all over you all of the time, and I saw Mike slap your ass, why is he so handsy with you, huh?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. He knew it was different; there was nothing going on with either of them. Mike was one of his best friends and he trusted him enough to know that he would never violate the bro code. Artie was… he didn't trust Artie, but he knew Mercedes wasn't interested in him like that. His fling with Brittany, however, was definitely a violation, one of the many things he should have thought of beforehand instead of letting his emotions get the better of him.

"They're my _friends_," Mercedes said in a dangerously low voice, "Nothing happened with either of them, unlike you and Brittany who apparently you've been in love with for years," she said throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

"That's not tru–" he tried to take back one of his more idiotic moments of the past year, as Mercedes ignored him and continued her tirade.

"I came back and you were with _her_. And you didn't even tell me, Blaine did. You didn't even try to hide it. I had to see you parading around with her, holding her hands, and kissing her. You told her that you loved her right in front of me!" She said, her voice cracking, as tears ran down her cheeks.

"It wasn't–"

"Was I just Brittany's place card all along?" she interrupted him again, "You do seem to have quite the pattern of girlfriend after girlfriend. Do you just string random girls along, make them fall in love with you and bide your time until you can have the one you really want, and then move on without so much as a backwards glance? Was it all just a game to you? I am not okay with that. I'm not like you, that shit hurts people, Sam."

"You're wrong, that's not me and you know it," he said, angry at her accusations. He understood that what she really wanted right then was to voice some things that she had obviously holding on to for a while, and he got why she was hurt about Brittany, but he didn't understand why she was questioning how he felt about her. Their relationship meant everything to him, and she knew it.

"Do I?" Mercedes asked, quiet and unsure, he knew he had her then. She sounded exhausted and unmistakably sad, but he knew she would listen now.

"Yes, you do. You should know how much you mean to me by now. You know you're nobody's place card, you're just _you_" he said sadly, "I only want to be with you, but I can't. I want to get over you, but I can't. I want to be able to be happy without you, but I can't. I can't do anything! The thing with Brittany was stupid, I know, but it was so much easier to pretend you and I never happened than to admit that you didn't want me anymore. What was I supposed to do? I had to at least try to move on… I had to," he said with miserable desperation in his voice.

The two were absolutely silent as they absorbed everything they had fired at one another. All of the accusations, the pain, and the mess, why did it always get so complicated between them? He loved her, even if she wouldn't be with him. And he was pretty sure that she still felt something for him. So why did they hurt each other and keep secrets? Why couldn't they just talk? He missed her being in his life more than he could say, and he would give anything to have her back again. If nothing else, he would at least make things right with her.

"Mercedes?" Sam started softly after a few minutes, "I really am so sorry that I fucked everything up. You didn't deserve the way I treated you… I never wanted to hurt you."

"I'm sorry too," Mercedes said, sighing, "I know I'm not exactly blameless… This is such a mess."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, laughing mirthlessly.

"Can I just ask you one more question?"

He simply nodded in response.

"Was she…? Was there ever even a small part of you that…?" she tried to ask multiple times and failed. "Did you love her?" Mercedes asked timidly as she grimaced at the idea.

"No," Sam replied honestly, "I love _you_."

* * *

Sam's eyes bore into hers as she felt his sincerity radiating off of him. He hadn't said that since she left, the sound of it was overwhelming. _It's too much_, she hadn't thought this through properly. All she knew was that she had to tell him her feelings, and she barely did that. She didn't know what she had hoped to accomplish. There was nowhere for them to go right now, their situation hadn't changed at all. They were still on two completely paths, and now they couldn't even trust one another.

"Right… This was a mistake. I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry Sam," she stuttered as she turned to leave.

Mercedes felt a hand grasp her elbow and turned around to meet Sam's vibrant eyes staring at her with an unmistakable expression. _When had he moved?_ Mercedes wondered idly as he licked his lips before crushing them to hers. He pressed his body close against hers, easily wrapping his arms around her comfortingly. His lips glided over hers smoothly before dipping to catch her bottom lip between his, their tongues easily finding their familiar rhythm. His hands were everywhere, cupping her face and holding her tightly as she rested hers on his chest.

_It's still too much_, Mercedes' inner voice screamed at her. She pulled her lips away abruptly, heart racing, and extricated herself from Sam's embrace. Mercedes took a moment to glance upon Sam's confused and disappointed expression before rushing from the choir room, running away from him, and running away from them once again.

* * *

**A/N: Many, many, many thanks for all of the reviews! Reading your lovely words seriously made my entire year, I'm not even kidding. I'm a new fanfic writer and I'm not outwardly involved in any fandoms so I didn't think I'd get ****_any_**** reviews at all, so it means a lot to me. Thanks!**

**I've decided to start incorporating some songs that inspire me into this fic. To be clear, the lyrics will likely be at the beginning or end of a chapter and are NOT being performed by the characters in the story. Each chapter will have a song that I feel captures the emotions of one or more of the characters, this chapter's song is 'Are We Really Through' by Ray LaMontange. It's a lovely song, listen to it!**

**I was going to include a longer A/N about why some of the things in this chapter happened the way that they did, but it was too long and was giving away too much of what I have planned for future chapters. So I'll end it by saying thank you for reading and I hoped you've enjoyed the story so far.**


	3. Chasing Pavements

**Disclaimer: I'm not Adele and I don't own Glee. I'm worthless. *hangs head in shame***

* * *

_Stupid, stupid, stupid_, Mercedes thought to herself, cringing as she recalled, in vivid detail, the events of the previous day. The yelling, the confessions, that kiss… and then she ran. _Stupid. _Sam told her that he still loved her, so she tried to leave. He kissed her, so she had literally run away from him. _Why would you do that, isn't that what you wanted?!_ She silently yelled at herself as she buried herself further into the pillows atop her bed, hoping against hope that sleep would momentarily erase her troubles once more. It was no use though; she'd been awake for hours. She had showered, did her hair and makeup, written in her journal, and cleaned her room… twice, but she couldn't stop thinking about Sam.

In some ways she was glad for their little chat; she felt like she actually understood his actions now and she finally let everything off of her chest that she had been holding on to. Though she wished she could have stayed calm and brave rather than yelling at him and then chickening out when it came time to tell him how she felt about him.

Mercedes had no idea what she was going to do about the mess between them that they had just made even messier. She knew she loved Sam and that she wanted to be with him, but she also knew that simply _wanting _things didn't make them happen. Loving him wouldn't erase her hurts and take back what he had done, and wanting to be with him wouldn't change the reality of their situation. Sam would be graduating soon and he would no longer have a reason to remain in Lima, and Mercedes… she didn't know where she'd end up. The chances of any relationship between them actually working were slim to none and she wasn't sure that she wanted to go down that particular road again, yet she wanted him back all the same.

It was a mess. One giant, confusing, infuriating, and painful mess. The only foreseeable solution was to turn off her phone, pretend not to be home, and hide beneath the covers of her bed until the universe took the hint that Mercedes Jones was in absolutely no mood to deal with the its bullshit today.

"Mercedes?" a voice called out, "where are you?" She knew she couldn't hide forever, but she had hoped to avoid the embarrassing reality for just a little bit longer so she made no move to respond to the person calling her name. "Mercedes Jones, do not hide from me," the voice ordered as its owner opened her bedroom door and looked down on her with judgment clear on his face.

"There you are. What are you doing in bed, its three o'clock?" Kurt asked worriedly, "Are you sick?"

"No, I'm fine," Mercedes said, sitting up in her bed and allowing Kurt to sit at the foot.

Kurt appraised her carefully before asking, "If you're fine then where have you been?"

"Busy?" Mercedes said, though it sounded more like a question than a confident statement, as Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I leave tomorrow and I won't be back until Thanksgiving," Kurt complained, "You know I wanted to spend some quality time with you before I leave, so I'll ask you one more time and don't lie to me. Where have you been?"

"Here," Mercedes admitted, feeling guilty that she would abandon plans with her best friend during his mourning period, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be making this all about me. How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine let's not talk about _that_, and you better believe that this conversation _is_ all about you, so don't change the subject. You missed Breadstix last night and The Lima Bean today, what have you been doing that's so important that you couldn't possibly spare an hour to see little ole' me?" Kurt inquired, watching her closely for a reaction.

"Nothing," Mercedes replied too quickly. She felt bad for canceling their plans but the last thing she wanted to do was tell the world about her mortifying little outburst though, knowing their social network, he probably already knew.

"Mm hm," Kurt hummed, clearly skeptical but kindly choosing to suppress his impulse to pry, "So there are some things that Blaine and I wanted to discuss with you, over dinner or coffee but whatever," Kurt said feigning hurt.

"I said I was sorry!" Mercedes laughed, still feeling guilty, "What's up?"

"Well, Blaine and I were talking about the wedding and I was thinking that you could be like my 'person of honor', that is if you want to?" Kurt asked hopefully.

"Of course I will," Mercedes said, truly touched, as she hugged Kurt. "Is Rachel busy that day or something?" she joked.

"Oh please," Kurt scoffed, smoothing out his pants as he settled back into place, "you know you're my only boo."

"I know that," Mercedes assured him while laughing at his word choice. "So I would be the maid of honor, right?"

"… I think that you need a bride to have bridesmaids…" Kurt said as if she were slow.

"Yeah, but technically the maid part refers to me, it's like maiden. I'm a maid regardless of the couple's genders," Mercedes pointed out to Kurt's amusement.

"I guess you're right. But if technicalities are involved… let's just say that you and I both know that you, lovely, are no maiden," Kurt noted dryly, "Why don't we stick with person of honor right now to avoid confusion?"

"You're crazy," she said rolling her eyes at the fact that he was so amused by the topic of her virtue, or lack thereof. "So does this mean you've set a date?" Mercedes asked, taken aback by Kurt's enthusiasm.

"No, no, no. We're still having a long engagement, but we are talking ideas. What's that face about, you seem surprised?" Kurt asked self-consciously.

"I'm just surprised that you finally relented to at least talk about it," she said. Kurt was happy to be engaged, she knew for certain, but typically Blaine was the more gung ho of the two when it came to wedding talk.

"Well, you know… If we don't start planning soon the whole thing will fall apart and we'll have to get married at some tacky banquet hall in a strip mall that serves chicken fingers while we do the Macarena, and I just can't have that for my wedding. What would our future children say? I refuse to have anything less than the second chicest wedding in history" Kurt said confidently, "I'd go for first but I don't think they'll let us marry at Westminster Abbey."

"I'm happy for you," Mercedes said seriously and in complete earnest.

"Thanks dear, but why are you so down?" he asked worriedly, "It's a wedding, a happy occasion!"

Mercedes shrugged in response, "I'm not down… It's just, how did you know that Blaine was the one?" Mercedes asked. As much as she didn't want to open Pandora's Box, she needed to hear the answer.

"I just knew. I know that's a terrible answer but it's the truth. I knew the proposal was coming and in the days leading up to it I worried myself sick going over all of the pros and cons and what ifs, but when the moment came and he asked, there was no question. I felt it in my bones," Kurt finished thoughtfully.

"Why do you ask?" he asked as she was deep in thought, letting his answer sink in, "Does this have anything to do with a certain big-lipped bottle blond with an addiction to comic books and a propensity to put his foot in his enormous mouth?"

"He's not a bottle– oh forget it," Mercedes said feebly.

"What happened yesterday after we left?" Kurt asked.

"I'm surprised Blaine hasn't told you already," Mercedes said, she had thought that Kurt knew and was just being nice by not mentioning it.

"Blaine and I don't discuss you and Sam too often; Sam's his best friend, you're mine. It's so messy it's borderline incestuous. Especially when you think about how connected everyone in glee club is," Kurt said, making a disgusted face. "Anyway, what would he have told me?"

"Promise me you won't talk about this with Blaine?"

"Ooh, you see that might be a hard promise to keep, because when I get to spend a rare evening alone with my fiancé there's nothing I'd rather talk about than other people's relationships," Kurt said sarcastically before adding in a more serious tone, "I promise. Now tell me."

"Sam and I kissed," Mercedes admitted quietly.

"Mercedes!" Kurt scolded in a scandalized voice.

"I know," she groaned as she hid her face in her hands, "it was stupid… I know."

"I can't believe you would let that happen and then not tell me about it immediately. How did it even happen?" he asked.

"I really don't want to talk about it," Mercedes feebly protested, "it's too much to deal with."

"Mercedes," Kurt admonished, "we've been over this before; sometimes talking about our feelings can be a good thing. You're clearly troubled by this, let me help."

Mercedes sighed in defeat before giving in, "We talked after you left the room, well, more like I yelled at him. He told me he still loved me and then he kissed me, so I left."

Kurt raised his eyebrow in disbelief, "I'm sensing that you're withholding some important details. Spill," he ordered.

Kurt knew Mercedes better than most and there was no one she trusted more than him, so she complied and told her best friend everything. It was unexpectedly cathartic to share what had happened and she relished the opportunity to finally talk about her and Sam's relationship woes with someone who would understand exactly where she was coming from.

"Ah, I see," Kurt said after Mercedes was finished, "It's not a particularly uncomplicated situation."

Mercedes stared at Kurt completely dumbstruck, stating the obvious was not what she had anticipated when he offered to help her. She knew it was complicated; she didn't need anyone else to tell her _that_. "Gee thanks Yoda! Spectacular advice, that was,"she said in a mocking Yoda impression.

"Ok, cool it with the nerd-rage," Kurt retorted jokingly, only slightly annoyed at her impatience, "If this is the kind of person you become around this boy, then I'm not so sure I like the idea of you spending any more time with him."

Mercedes couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all; she made a Star Wars reference, an impression no less. Sam had definitely left his mark on her and Kurt had astutely called her out on it. She had spent so much time burying every part of herself that had been influenced by Sam and their relationship that it felt weird acknowledge it in front of anyone else.

When she and Sam first dated before her senior year, they had purposefully hid their budding relationship from their friends. It wasn't until he had come back to Lima and loudly proclaimed in the school halls that he would fight get her back that their friends even knew that they had dated at all. That memory always brought a smile to her face. Sam's persistence had been surprising, to say the least, but it had turned out to be one of the things she loved most about him; he never gave up on her, not even when they couldn't be together. Since his return, she'd done her best to keep everything between the two of them private; the last thing she wanted was for their relationship to become school-gossip fodder and after everything that had happened within the past year it'd just been easier that way. Except, now it had gotten to the point where she _had_ to talk to someone or she'd go crazy.

Mercedes loved Sam more than she ever thought she could love someone, and when they were together she felt cherished and loved and every other happy feeling she'd only dreamt about before. They had the best time together, he could make her laugh like no one else, they could talk about absolutely anything, and the physical side to their relationship had certainly been more than adequate. Sometimes she couldn't believe that she had effortlessly stumbled onto a perfect balance between friendship and attraction in her first real relationship. Most people spent years searching for what had occurred so naturally to her and Sam. Yet as wonderful as their bond had been, they could never get the timing quite right and each of their breakups had sent her spiraling into a pit of insecurities. When they were good they were great, but when it inevitably went bad… Mercedes wasn't sure if she wanted to gamble on the third time being the charm. Regardless, she couldn't avoid Sam forever; she needed to figure out what she wanted to do, and sooner rather than later.

"Ugh! I just feel so conflicted. It's Sam; I'll always have feelings for him but what if I just need to try harder to move on? I don't know what to do," Mercedes admitted sadly, "I feel awful for hurting him and then I left when he told me he loved me. What kind of person does that?! It was so embarrassing too, you should have seen it; I actually ran away from him. I can't show my face around him ever again."

"Is that what you really want, to run and never look back? To never see him again?" Kurt asked knowingly.

"No," she allowed, he had her there.

"Then get over yourself and talk to him. _Really_ talk and maybe don't yell at him this time, though Gaga knows he deserves it," Kurt said.

"What if he won't talk to me?" Mercedes asked miserably, "he probably hates me now."

Kurt scoffed, "Really, Mercedes? He could never hate you. As much as I hate what he did to you, I'll give him credit where it's due; he doesn't hold a grudge, he'll at least hear you out."

"Ok, but then what?" she asked.

"Then if you both feel the same way about one another, you move forward with your relationship…" Kurt replied as if she were a child.

"So soon? What if–"

"You know he loves you, do you love him?" Kurt asked, interrupting her before she could share her doubts about his suggestion.

"Yes, but–"

"No buts!" Kurt said emphatically. "If you truly love each other, then you can figure everything out together. I'm not saying it will be easy, but there's no point in staying apart because of something that happened in the past. That was before… You have to seize these moments and be with the one you love while you have the chance. You never know when it will be too late and you'll always regret what might have been."

He was right, Mercedes knew it, but that didn't make it any less daunting. Twice they had attempted a relationship, and twice it had failed. Three times if she counted the time she cheated on Shane with him. It never ended well between them, with each breakup crushing her more than the last, and there was nothing to suggest that _another_ attempt would be any different.

"What if I'm too afraid?" Mercedes asked, more to herself than to Kurt.

"That's love. Love is terrifying and uncomfortable and all around jarring. It really is the worst… but it's worth it, isn't it?" he asked as she nodded along. "Life's too short to not chase after what you want, and love's too amazing to miss out on. So you can protect your heart and keep all of the bad things far away where they can never hurt you, but you'll end up shutting out all the good stuff too, and what's the point in that?"

"When did you become such a romantic, is this Blaine's influence?" Mercedes asked trying to lighten the mood. He spoke the truth and gave her a lot to think about, she just wasn't sure if she was ready to hear it yet.

"Anyway," he said rolling his eyes, clearly eager to escape her judgment, "I have a fabulous proposal for you."

"I'm listening," Mercedes said warily.

"I think you should move to New York," Kurt said excitedly.

"Kurt, we've talked about this before," she said tiredly, "as much as I love you and I like New York, I can't just move across the country because we miss each other."

"We talked about this before you even moved to L.A.," he pointed out, "and it's not _just_ because I miss you, though that is a tiny part of it. You've been in Lima for months, you're clearly not itching to go back to L.A. anytime soon, and why should you? You said it yourself that the only thing keeping you there was your album and that's not a problem anymore. Give New York a try; I really think it could be good for you. You could transfer to NYU if you still want a degree. There are so many more opportunities for singers there, so you could book gigs all around the city in fabulous bars and clubs. Most of all, there's an entire music industry that you haven't even considered; maybe one of them will be interested in your album? You worked way too hard on it to sell it out of the back of your car in Lima, Ohio. Guess where Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey made it big, New York City. Aaaand, the city would suit you perfectly. How many times have you complained about L.A. being shallow and soulless? New York is exciting and vibrant and there's so much culture! You _would_ have to deal with winters again, but I always thought you looked best in winter palettes anyway, and think of all of the coats and boots you could wear that you can't in California!"

"I do look good in boots," Mercedes allowed, it _was_ the truth.

"So good," Kurt agreed readily. "And as an extra bonus you would already have a built-in support group; I'm there and so is Santana. Blaine and Artie will be there in the fall, and Quinn's just a train ride away. And Rachel… is also there, but you won't have to see her that much because she's always in classes. Plus, New York is way closer to Lima than L.A., I'm sure your family would appreciate that."

"That all sounds great, it really does," Mercedes admitted, the idea was really beginning to grow on her. L.A. was a bust, but she could still try out another city and her parents would approve as long as she attended a college. There was just one problem, "But what about everything we just talked about?"

"All the more reason to talk to Sam soon, you don't even know what his plans are. Promise me you'll seriously consider it?" Kurt implored.

"I will," she assured, already mulling everything over in her head.

"Good. Now get dressed, we need to get our hazelnut macchiato on," he ordered.

"Yes sir," Mercedes teased as she began sifting through her closet, trying to find a Kurt-approved outfit to wear. _I do love boots_, she thought. Mercedes was beginning to love the idea of New York, but first she needed to talk to Sam.

* * *

_Should I give up,_

_Or should I just keep chasin' pavements_

_Even if it leads nowhere?_

_Or would it be a waste _

_Even if I knew my place_

_Should I leave it there?_

_Should I give up,_

_Or should I just keep chasin' pavements_

_Even if it leads nowhere?_

* * *

**A/N: Big thanks for reading and for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites, they bring me such happiness I could kiss you all but I won't because that would be weird ; )**

**So obviously the lyrics are from Adele's ****_Chasing Pavements_****. I know this is kind of the second Adele song, but technically the first (****_Make You Feel My Love_****) is by Bob Dylan and no matter how much I love Adele, she's no Dylan. Though in fairness, vocally Dylan is no Adele. Looking over the songs I've already collected I've noticed that a lot of them are fairly mainstream, I don't know when that happened; I used to be cool. I was quite hip once, now I listen to Adele and Ray LaMontagne and get angry when 'kids today' don't know when the song they love is actually a cover. I'm so aged. Oh well, c'est la vie. **

**I know many Mercedes fans perceive the lack of interaction between her and Kurt, or any of her other friends really, as a sign that he's completely abandoned her for Rachel and Blaine but I don't see it that way. Rachel didn't take her ****_friends_****, she took all of her ****_screen_****-****_time_****, lol. My personal head-canon is that Mercedes is still really close with Kurt, Quinn, et al. In regards to the show, I think the reality is that since so much of Mercedes screen-time has been cut down, her friendships, like all other aspects of her life, are simply not shown but they do, presumably, exist. I mean, if we were to take only what was explicitly stated or shown about Mercedes she would be a homeless orphan who lives at her church and survives on tater tots. Geez RIB suck. **

**Anyway, sorry for the long A/N, it's a bad habit of mine. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!**


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